Is your Life Force being sucked out of you?

Ok, admittedly I am a child of the 80's, which is why I reference so many 80's movies.

Have you ever seen "The Dark Crystal" by Jim Henson? Remember the part where they capture the podlings, put them in a chair, and then let the Crystal suck their Life Force out, so that the Skeksis' can drink it and stay young?

That's how I felt towards the end of my second marriage. And I take full responsibility for that way of being. I allowed myself to be used, abused, neglected, and unappreciated ... BY MYSELF, more than anyone else around me.

I was committed to being co-dependent. I thought that being "self-less" meant sacrificing my needs for the needs of everyone I cared about. I thought that "service" meant doing everything for everyone else and not taking care of myself. My self-worth was practically non-existent.

I neglected to take the time after my first marriage to heal myself, to get to know myself and take care of myself. When a man came along that was interested in me and pursued me, I jumped into another relationship, thinking that he could "save me" and that I would "save him" and his children.

I am so grateful for the experiences that I have had, especially over the last 13 years. I have learned a lot about myself that I may never have learned without these experiences. I have learned a lot about love, service, and self-lessness that has served me. I choose to no longer let my Life Force be sucked out of me by anyone, for any reason.

My new way of being is Love - beginning with myself. I know now that only when I deeply and completely love myself I will have the power and capacity to fully love all those around me... including those that hate me and despitefully use me. I am grateful for both of my marriages, both of my husbands, my children, and all those in my life that have helped me have the experiences I need to have in order for me to grow.

Because I choose Love, because I choose to take care of myself first, I have enough "Life Force" and to spare to share with those around me, in a healthy, inter-dependent way. Boundaries are my safe place and I am learning to set those and keep them.

I'm not perfect by any means. There are still days when certain people push my buttons and I get dragged back into the vicious cycle of my story and my victimhood. And I am learning every day how to quickly drop the "story" and the "poor me" and instead respond with the facts, and with love.

I know ways to vent my anger and frustration that don't cause more grief and pain to those that are trying to hurt me. I know they are trying to hurt me because of the hurt they are going through. Instead of retaliating and trying to "get even" or "be right", I am taking care of myself and my needs, and sending love to those around me, praying that they will take on their own healing and recovery from pain.

My Life Force is strong and healing, just like they healed the Crystal in the movie. and I love to share it with those around me. Thanks for reading. I hope you feel my love for you.